TheRevivalofImpressionism's Xanga

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 21:54:41 GMT

conversations that last into the middle of the night
long goodbyes
the absent smile that plays over my face every single time i hear your voice
and everything in between

the songs we sing to each other
the random anecdotes
even the stupid jokes
and this feeling like magic that i can't explain

you make me light up inside
like the Christmas tree in Times Square
my day starts when you say good morning
and ends when you say good night

im constantly consumed with wanting you near me
does that even make sense?
i just can't help thinking -

this could be the start of something amazing.

"long goodbyes"

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 21:56:59 GMT

"Each of us keeps, battened down inside himself, a sort of lunatic giant - impossible socially, but full-scale. It's the knockings and batterings we sometimes hear in each other that keep our intercouse from utter banality."

-Elizabeth Bowen

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 21:40:20 GMT

that vague sparkle in your eye -
is it the light playing tricks
so that I'm getting lost without even trying
drowning in uncharted depths
and melting hopelessly all the while

I seem to remember every detail of your face in my dreams
and I wake up to the tender brush of your lips on mine
until I open my eyes and you disappear
an illusion that fades all too easily

you make me want to fall asleep again

Monday, July 04, 2005

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 03:28:59 GMT

its just like in fairy tales
endings are best
because you can close the book
and forget and move on

and you whispered in my ear
living in dreams won't get you anywhere
and I hope, I hope that hope is gone
and I hope, I hope that love doesn't belong
in my life

'cause I'm tired of waiting

You turned me upside down
and my heart fell out of my pockets
you reckless thief
stealing what you didn't want

its just like in fairly tales
beginnings are good

so let's start over

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 22:09:11 GMT

you are the heaviest burden i know how to bear
and i don't want to do it anymore
i'm tired of it all

I'm making you disappear
from the pages of my heart
ripping them out,
one by one.

soon you'll be gone completely
and i'll finally be able to see again
clearly,
like i did before
see you for what you really are -
someone I could never love.

I can smile again.
I'm seeing all these other possibilities
ones that used to stay in the background
and now it doesn't hurt quite so much
now it doesn't hurt quite so bad

i've gotta leave for a while
so these wounds keep closing
staying around here is bad for my health

maybe someday
things will be okay
when I don't see you with love
and I don't see you with hate
someone who doesn't matter,
but could be a friend

i need some time to breathe

so let me inhale.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 04:20:57 GMT

"On Love"

Love is the single most recognized concept in any language or culture. The ancient Greeks, innovative as they were, even had four different words for it. The mistake we most often make in our pursuit of this most mysterious force is our selfishness. We try to possess love, to lock it up into a tiny silver box in an effort to make it ours forever. It is far better to simply take joy in the fact that we were lucky to discover the thing that so many others are looking for - to ask nothing in return, to expect nothing. Just love, with all of yourself; still appreciating the singularity of your life but allowing your love for someone else to enrich it. For me, I guess it took a span of time to come to that conclusion. After you realize you've begun to love, you don't think you can be patient, but true love always is - it has to wait for everything. And with patience and the passage of time comes security, and it starts to matter less and less that you don't "possess" the object of your affection. You start to savor loving them, without the crazy anxiety or depression that so often comes along with what the "unintiated" think of as love. I fully admit that I don't yet understand it totally, but its a wonderful thing to be able to put a name to it.

Love is not a wild flame of passion; it isn't always built with those common bricks we call physical attraction, and you can't always tell at once; love doesn't require "butterflies" or knots, and doesn't result in long periods of sighing and tears in the absence of "the one". If you think love consists of these things, I suggest you wait, and you will soon discover otherwise.

Anyone who is the least bit familiar with quantum mechanics knows about the duality of light - it manages to be wave and a particle at the same time. Love is the same way. At times, the recognition of it hits you subtly, all at once, sometimes without even you knowing it. A word they say, a special quality to their voice, anything, and its like something startles you, as if you were poked with an invisible pin. Sometimes you aren't quite aware of it, or what it means - which is where the particle part comes in. They start to win you over with their personality and their face and their idiosyncrasies until you realize one day, like the old story of the frog in the warm water, that you have been thoroughly and completely boiled.

When you're in love, you don't think about the other person every second of every day. Thoughts of them sneak up on you, in the quiet moments in the absence of everything else. They float by and alight on you delicately, and then gradually deliquesce after they have warmed you a bit. That's the feeling love gives you - its like the Christmas spirit almost, sometimes. A warm, fuzzy feeling deep inside. People always used that phrase, in the movies and on tv, but I always thought it was completely figurative. That was the feeling he gave me, in those early days, when love was still a wave. I tried to forget, but true love is something you never really forget, even when you're with someone else. I'm free now, free to love openly - but still silently.

That's my dilemna now, deciphering the paradox of loving both openly and silently. Is it possible to keep love hidden while still maintaining its integrity? Or is the ultimate destiny of love to be revealed? That will be my next experiment, as soon as I find the courage.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Tue, 31 May 2005 17:58:43 GMT

this is going to hurt
i know it
like a bad stomachache

I can already feel the words
starting to stick in my throat

my mouth is dry
this won't go down easy
and the tears are starting to fall
is it too late to back out?
is this really what i want?

I don't want to give you up
but I no longer have a choice
I'm breaking down.

will i regret this later?
am i pleasing others or myself?

all that's left is to dive in
and follow the current -
see if we sink or swim.

I'll impress you with my parting words
there's no need for any bitterness
let's promise to always be friends
and end forever in a day

Monday, May 30, 2005

Mon, 30 May 2005 02:40:11 GMT

"this is to everyone"

i guess i never told you
but i hated you all along
i guess i never told you
but i loved you all along

i couldn't stand you
when i saw you
but i didn't say a word

i liked you instantly
in a moment
but i didn't say a word

I admit it
you made a difference
and i noticed you were there
all around me
even if i didn't see you
at all

through the moments that we shared
unknowingly or not
your presence was a comfort
that I wasn't alone

and if I met you, or didn't
if I liked you, or didn't
if I noticed, or didn't
you still stayed

this is to everyone
you are everyone
and things will never be the same
but thank you anyway

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Sun, 22 May 2005 17:21:11 GMT

let's sit here until morning
and watch the stars come out
the silence is so beautiful
i'm getting lost
and its okay that things aren't perfect

the light disappeared
and so did everything else
we can forget here

it doesn't matter anymore
and that doesn't matter either
because we're here now
and its okay that things aren't perfect

there's a million other things in the universe
some of them important
but let's not think about them
because we're here now
and its okay that this feels perfect

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Tue, 17 May 2005 18:34:05 GMT

You confuse me

You twist me up inside
Not sure what you want me to do
I'm falling faster
than I ever have
and I have you to thank

You never
were lonely
or so it seems

I'm surrounded
by thoughts and desperation
I
don't know how to feel
I
am waiting for everything and
You
make me incomplete

Your friendship was the best gift I've ever gotten
but I can't help wanting more